too much unrest to rest. good. i'm trying to decide what's worse 1) it is real and it is impossible. 2) it is one big deluded mess/the biggest con of my life and i'm stuck in that loop. personally and politically and epistemologically. it's okay i don't know what that last one means either. and my computer dictionary is screaming 'WHAT. IS. THAT?' in squiggly red. so we don't have to feel too stupid. besides everyone i've ever known is stuck in that loop everyone wonders if it hurts more to hope or not to hope and whatever we conclude there's always a tiny pinched nerve of hope inside somewhere anyway hopeless is what we like to think we can consider. the word we makes me happy. i'm trying to say we more and people less. lately, i can't play the at least game--but i'll make a list of my new favorite things - a song called'the dreamer' by the tallest man on earth - giant toasters with tiiiiny pastries - k's enraged pitch defying cussing rants - my sister's face when she attempts to eat her husband's forehead. (i think wanting to eat cuteness is a genetic trait) - all forms of instant coffee. actually, just coffee. i genuinely like shitty coffee. and i'm proud. yes, i am. it makes me feel like a true junkie. - amazing curators online that make me feel lost but hopeful that navigation is possible - pictures of the beautiful universe with the narration of romantic scientists - brilliant moments that no one can claim that everyone shares (twitter will never cheapen that) - performances by musicians who occasionally close their eyes - the film everything must go because how could i almost forget about raymond carver? - and J's mouth corners that twitch into the most undercover smile in the history of secrets and sex and love - the phrase 'the revolution continues', continued! never-ending. |