dear your head, you aren't the only one who is doing things despite yourself believing despite yourself trying despite yourself you aren't the only one who doesn't know what to want you're not alone in that at all the only difference between us is that you're ashamed and i like to sing scream paint write cry my despair out every chance i get to and i'm not saying you've no right to be shy-- i respect and understand shy but i love you, and i don't want you to hate who i love, i don't want you to hurt yourself and burden yourself with ugly thoughts i'll admit i wish you were braver--it's true, but i wish it for selfish reasons. i wish that because in my mind, both of us can't be scared at the same time, so naturally you have to be the courageous one while i arrantly cower behind your arm. it's a stupid unfair thought and please don't ever let it make you feel less in any way you have this certain tone of voice, and i know i'm the only one who hears it--you have this look on your face sometimes, your muscles relax, your eyes open up--and i know i'm the only one who sees it and i know when you're like that, you're just for me. even though you hate yourself, you feel that you're just for me. and i love that, and i love your insides but i'd just like to know who on earth that other person is that person who functions and makes small talk and keeps busy and totes around this ego that is complete fiction you don't need that person. as much as i love that you're just for me, i know that so many other people would love your insides as well if you gave them the chance it's really hard for me to let go, but if i can't convince you to stop hating yourself--maybe someone else can or maybe you'll decide to on your own but i can't let you be just for me--not unless it's a choice. i can't be a hiding place, but you know i'll always be a soft place for you. |