For you will still be here tomorrow, but your dreams may not
And I don't mind :) I also craft/paint/sculpt and raise other people's babies all day for more money than I deserve I've stopped believing in fame, fortune and success (which somehow translates to 'giving up' in most dictionaries) But I now believe in monsters, fairies, angels, signs and magic chocolate more than ever (coincidentally this translates to 'freak') I have a lover. The long term kind. I don't know how. All the films and books and art say a relationship based on whimsy & lust is completely unsustainable. But it's been years now of surreal conversation that makes perfect sense. And he cares about me, and I care about him, and we laugh--and we're happy to go nowhere together. Last week he said let's bang the sky and throw boredom off a rooftop :) I also have this person I never liked, wanted, considered or respected. He's deep under my skin. He loathes me. I want to stab him most of the time. We love each other, we know we'll grow old together and we'd rather not discuss or acknowledge it. Many people claim to know us. It's funny when two liars find a way to be more honest with each other than they've ever been with themselves. Last week he said we deserve better than each other--then he bought me lunch. I have co-workers and meetings and friendly strangers and coffee. I have hot blooded family and cuddly neighbors. I have more than enough. I have to sleep now. I feel like so far the accidents have been more purposeful than the plans. It's comforting :) |