dear everyone who thinks i'm nuts sometimes i think i imagined it all every time i was shattered, every time i felt something lofty that's when i appreciate that i might be crazy even though that word makes me wince when anybody else says it i guess that shows some sort of progress right? if what hurts me is what i'm willing to believe i suppose that means i don't feel so stupid anymore, just a little bit insane i have an idea of what almost everyone thinks of me. they're all mostly wrong and they're all somewhat right. i want so desperately to be understood. if i can't have that, i just want to be invisible wearing masks isn't the same as invisible, because every now and then, despite myself-- something shows through and a small comment on that glimpse makes me feel like i've been felt. then i realize it was a mistake--not theirs, but mine. and i get real angry. embarrassed to need. small. since it was on my mind, i asked him if he was shy. he muttered glibly and turned the question on me. i said yes. which probably meant nothing after my well rehearsed account of all my exploits. it's too bad i can't be friends with someone like him. |