get with the program when you are away it's humiliating to need someone, and it's more humiliating when they don't need you the sad part is, i know the formula to make things work i know it like a cook knows the exact ratio of spices by the feel of them and the smell of them but unlike the cook, this is not a labor of love this is a performance and he wants the act, he doesn't want me and i try to insert a little honesty in the diplomatic rhetoric he admires, and he tuts and turns off and i'm tired of the greater good we're not making an empire we're making a home, and homes aren't built that way otherwise i find it a personal achievement to be dressed and showered today and to not yell at anything that moves within my line of vision my insides are lined with an epic tale of defeat in blurry superscript i need to pee i need a hug i need energy i need an empty day far away where the important things matter and everything i thought was vital seems small and insignificant and silly laughable. i want to laugh. desperately. |