i can't believe it's not love! maybe knowing better can't make you feel better. but knowing better will never let you feel the same way about guilty indulgence. it's too late for feeling better. it's hard to reject every fictional romance that makes a relationship all sara says, a beautiful relationship in a grey and empty world eventually becomes a grey relationship it's hard to quit. maybe if i figure out how people quit other things--like cigarettes, i can figure out how to quit needing to be in love? 1) quitting out of necessity because you've destroyed yourself to a point where it would be suicide to go on-- needless to say, this is not the most appealing option (although in a way the easiest) 2) a reason. tough. no elaboration. 3) substitute. the feeling of safety in knowing you haven't quit in vain and there will be something else to fill that hole so basically i'm choosing between two and three. i dont even know how to go about 2-- so lets think of substitutes. what is love? so what can replace that? family (yeah right) so i guess i have to go with passion. what things am i sort of passionate about that i can throw myself into writing: film: art: if i can make myself settle for men because i want love so badly then surely i can settle for things in these passions-- what is my pattern -find something that makes me feel especially connected to them i can do this. |