i found sarah when she lost someone lala wants to make a film about people wanting moments, to be seen, to be touched some people have never had a moment you see i love the thought i love the intention i'd love to be part of it but if i were to go with it if i were to let it in the hunger, everywhere my insides would shrivel up in grief, i'd crumple into myself and i'd never come out again --- my professer said you stop dreaming at 30 it was the most literal deadline he's ever given me --- it's been 2 days since i realized i loved him enough to forgive him for not telling me the whole truth. and 2 days since i realized i wasn't enough for him to love me. and 2 days since another girl touched his heart enough for him to forget mine. the ache of it throws me around my bed like a limp doll hanging on for dear life to her owners careless dirty little fingers i dont indulge-- instead i think of fakhri's savage eyes. i pretend they were a gift to ease these heavy nights. i look into them and feel naked, complete, destroyed and grateful. i pretend i came from his mop. i pretend i am his collection of intimacies. i pretend he loved me so i can breathe deeply enough to sleep. |